Beige is the new.... BORING.
Yours truly has officially become "soooo last season"

I'm not sure if any of my readers actually care about fashion (except maybe in this sense), but this is just a TRAVESTY.

The Weekend WSJ had a report Friday on designers "Shifting into Neutral":

Where do you go after lime green? After years of wild colors, designers are back to beige. Our reporter on how to wear it -- and not look like a stick of butter.

Elizabeth Westbrook's spring shopping bag has all the color variety of vanilla ice cream. So far, she's bought a white tank top, a cream tuxedo shirt and has plans to add a sweater in a pink so pale the industry calls it "blush."

"Neutrals are tempting," says the 22-year-old painter, who favors designers like Rebecca Taylor and Marc Jacobs. Last year at this time, things were looking a lot brighter -- maybe too bright. Ms. Westbrook bought into splashy colors, with two shocking pink tops that are now destined for charity. "I realized they drew more attention to me than I wanted. With bright colors you have to be on your best behavior."

After five years of searing pinks and blues -- and pushing it to the point of turquoise and orange -- fashion this spring is entering neutral territory...

(Pause as I put down newspaper, clap hands to the side of my face and scream "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!")

I get my color philosophy from my days as a high school punk rocker and from my grandmother Melba, who painted her room pumpkin with turquoise trim and often wore a rainbow-striped caftan ("I like bright colors", she explained unapologetically to anyone who gave her any Looks about it). (She also taught me how to sew and passed on a voracious book-a-day love of reading, but that's another post). Bright, bright, bright! Mix orange and turquoise! Orange and pink! Turquoise and green! Blue and pink! The brighter the better (not 80s fluorescent, mind you, just bright). I may have lived in New York for the past three years, but I never wear all black, and most especially not all white/beige/blush. The last five years have been so good to me. I could go into any old clothing store and buy a bright turquoise shirt, an orange sweater and a pink skirt. (Not that I'd wear them all at once, but still!) I even color my cartoons to match my clothes!

With bright colors you have to be on your "best behavior"? What if I don't want to behave? What if I don't want to fade into the tasteful taupe wall paint? What if I want to dress like Jonathan Adler decorates? Happy! Colorful! Orange! Turquoise! Teal! Red! I want to be bold, not tasteful.

This is even worse than last year's small "black is the new black" trend. According to the piece, designers have declared war on color, because sales are falling and they're worried if color stays in style, customers will wear last year's stuff. So now they're pushing white, cream, blush and beige clothes, which easily stain, have to be replaced on a frequent basis, and bore me to tears. It's a capitalist plot to make me obsolete.

On the plus side, I guess I can save a big pile of money this year since there won't be a single store anywhere selling a damned thing I want to wear. And maybe I'll be more stylish because I won't be wearing the same damn clothes as everyone else. You won't catch me dead in a vanilla dress with a beige bag, not unless I was wearing it with my bright turquoise scarf and chartreuse heels. I WANT to look like a cute, stylish traffic sign in my fuschia dress, damn it! And I certainly have no plans to stop wearing my bright orange trench coat, which goes really well with my bright (dyed) red hair.

OK, totally unpolitical rant over. I will now return to my regularly scheduled outrage over Health Savings Accounts.